"Some babies are meant to be born breech." I've heard this so many times before but what does it really mean? What do you believe about birth? How do you believe it should be? Over the past few years I've asked myself these questions over and over again. It's taken me all this time to feel like I finally have my answer. When I began being a doula in 2010 I had a vision of what I thought my job was, I was here to support women through the natural birth process. Well, I tried that and I still felt as though I was missing something. After several attempted but unsuccessful intervention free births I felt helpless. I was empty and confused. I kept pushing on, taking clients and doing my very best to support them. After each birth I would talk with a fellow doula so I could process the birth, it was as if I had given birth myself, of course not physically, but emotionally. Each story has been different and I've learned so much from each and every one. Each new experience helps me understand my role in these families births and confirms to me that I'm right where I should be.
I began with the mindset that we had to do whatever it took to have a natural birth. This wasn't taught to me by anyone, it was just something I thought, it was how I felt. Now, I feel differently, I think differently. My role as a doula isn't to help women have a natural birth. My role is to educate women of their birth options and to support the decisions they make, no matter what those decisions may be. Whether I agree or whether I don't. I walk beside women in their journeys to and through birth. I've found so much more joy and peace in this work recently. Not that I didn't love doing it before, I absolutely did, but it's been a journey for me too, it continues to be a journey and learning acceptance has helped me be a better doula. It's helped open my eyes. It's taught me patience. But most of all I'm able to open my mind and my heart in ways know that I wasn't able to before.
A dear friend of mine just had a little boy with her new husband. Baby was breech nearly the entire pregnancy. Mama and Papa did everything to try to turn him. Everything. He wouldn't budge. This wasn't Mama's first pregnancy so we were all a little surprised that he didn't flip. Mama had wanted a vaginal birth, like she had with her first, but the closer we got towards the end the more it seemed as if the reality was we were not going to have a vaginal birth, with her chosen provider at least. I spent a lot of time with her and her husband discussing options, discussing what they wanted from this experience, from their provider and ultimately what they wanted from this birth. Being on a hormonal roller coaster for 9 months and then having to make difficult decisions is hard. It's not fair - but it's reality. It's making your first 'parental' decisions, before baby is even here. My friend read and read and read. She asked questions. She talked to her husband. She put all of herself into her pregnancy and into her decisions about her birth. In her heart she knew what she wanted, what she needed.
I cried when he was born. I usually cry when I witness babies come Earthside. It's an energy shift. There's a jolt in the room, in your chest, that consumes you for that second. It's literally as if you can feel the soul enter the breathing world. A jolt of pure, innocent, precious love. A soul enters the room, enters your chest, your heart. All the worry, all the tears, all the sleepless nights, in that moment - they're worth it. Seeing that face and those eyes for the first time. Feeling that skin against your chest. You know in that moment that no matter what happens from here on out that this, this consuming love, is what you've been waiting for.